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The research covered 21 capitals of Brazilian States and 20 more cities of Sao Paulo. Domestic violence was taken from 200 hundred thousand police records. Despite the overlap among these categories, we should distinguish four kinds of domestic violence. The most frequent crimes, here, are: physical aggression and threat. I characterize not only victims but also aggressors. Both personages are described in the paper. I stressed some hypotheses and use concepts as co-dependence. Women cope with violent men because of several reasons: (1) they are omnipotent, thinking they will be able to change their husbands; (2) they feel they are unable to make a living alone; (3) they are not self-confident; and violence contributes to even lower self confidence; (4) they are economically dependent on men; the worst is that they depend emotionally upon men; (5) to spank or threat someone, especially a woman, is similar to being an alcoholic; women victims of violent men are co-dependant to mens vices. Not men, but the relationship is violent. Once established, violence becomes necessary for both women and men. Nevertheless, women are not accomplice with men, they do not consent, they cede. Ideology is not enough to maintain the contradictory knot gender/class/ethnicity. In a patriarchal gender order, violence becomes necessary. In an egalitarian society, violence has no use. Many societies created masculine and feminine images without constructing a hierarchy between these categories, which is the feminist goal: a gendered society but not a patriarchally gendered society.